We’re Going to Need a Young Priest and an Old Priest

I must confess, I have at times contemplated a vocation in the Catholic Church. The incense, the fancy outfits and the easy access to confused adolescent boys have all been tempting inducements. Now, however, with the most recent pronouncement from His Holiness Benedict XVI, I think my time has come.

popeepa2512_468×799.jpeg

 It seems the Pope is hot under the big hat to establish a new cadre of exorcism squads to, you know, cast out the evil spirits that are infecting more and more young people these days.  Satanism is more powerful than ever, what with the popularity of shows like I Love New York and A Shot at Love with Tila Tequila. Could there be any clearer a sign?

Now that I know how desperately the Pope needs my help, it’s time for me to start a new career as Exorcist Plenipotentiary of the Holy Mother Church. And while my ordination make take a little while, I offer the following guarantees. Wherever a group of teenagers are playing Dungeons & Dragons, I will be there. A party where Black Sabbath is on the stereo? I will be there. And any place where reckless pleasure seeking is taking precedence over the committment to holiness, I will be there. You’re all on notice, sinners. 

Freedom’s on the March!

Tim Russert just told Mick Huckabee that the Cato Institute gave the Huckster a D and an F for his tenureship as governor of whatever backwards state it is he’s governor of. Take that big government!

With Tim Russert on our side, expect rollbacks of the federal government to begin any day now.

P.S. Please stop calling Cato a conservative think tank, Tim. I know that you know the word libertarian, I saw you use it last week with Dr. Ron Paul. Dig deep for the quintisyllabic words. You can do it!

FreedomandShit Calls for Content…

That’s right, we want to know what you have to say. We’ve enabled user submissions, so get yourself a badass pseudonym, register here, and blog away. (Note: make sure to put your badass pseudonym in the “nickname” spot. And please make sure it’s actually badass.)

Why would you want to contribute to F&S?

  • Maybe you’re new to blogging about freedom and shit and you don’t want to hassle of setting up and promoting your own blog.
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We’re a meritocracy here, so based on our highly subjective opinions, the best user-submitted posts will get bumped to the front page. Middle of the road posts will live here, on our user page. Crappy posts won’t be published at all, but let us recommend that you try submitting them here or here.

Welcome, minions.

Movies Which Are About The Freedom: “Aliens vs. Predator: Requiem”

Libertarians love science fiction, and science fiction movies. So needless to say, this was a big week for them. Not only was it the grand finale to the annual Official U.S. Buy Lots of Shit to Help the Economy Season, it was also the release of Aliens vs. Predator: Requiem.

I think it’s safe to assume that everyone who views the world through a basic Millian framework, ie: all F&S readers, knows that the Alien movies and the first two Predator movies were the epitome of uber-awesome. Even beyond the obvious libertarian themes, you had essential elements for awesome: 1) cool looking alien monsters 2) explosions 3) death 4) people kicking ass 5) technology that was amazing and saved everything (as technology eventually will).

The movies were also good metaphors, with many robust ideas about liberty, which is why they had such a big impact on the Culture. Many people say that Alien was about The Feminism. Because the alien was a big penis, basically, and because the badass chick Ripley, played by Sigourney Weaver, killed it in the end. Also, because all the men died. The Feminism is a friend to The Freedom, in theory anyway, so I think this sounds OK. Read more…

Movies Which Are About The Freedom: “There Will Be Blood”

PT Anderson is the genius behind that cinematic monument to free speech (ie: pornography), Boogie Nights. He also made Magnolia, which has a subplot about the authoritarianism and tyranny of fathers. Who are, basically, fascists. Needless to say, I expected a lot from this libertarian genius. His new film, There Will Be Blood, delivers, and then some.

In short, it as about The Freedom.

And by The Freedom, I mean capitalism. By which I mean oil production in California about a hundred years ago, back before Exxon made oil such an obviously libertarian commodity. It stars Daniel Day Lewis as an oil entrepreneur who tells stupid people bullshit in order to buy their land very cheap and then exploit its resources.

In other words, he was an innovator for The Freedom.

When one person refuses to sell his land, Lewis just buys all the land around the guy and then sucks the oil out from under him anyway. “Like a milkshake,” is how he explains it. This is The Freedom in action. It shows the power of capitalism, and how capitalism can make you money no matter what.

The movie is excellent because it proves, once and for all, that Hayek* knew what he was talking about. Milton Friedman would love it. And so, I think, will you, and indeed, all people who truly love The Freedom.

* For those who do not know, Hayek was especially pro-The Freedom, so I feel it is safe to say that he would have given the big Austrian thumbs up to Anderson’s vision of pornography and capitalism, and how they are excellent.

Old and Useless or Cheap Labor?

Greenburgh, NY is experiencing a rapid reduction in its population of old coots. Apparently, due to the overwhelming tax burden, the town’s elderly residents are being forced to relocate to friendlier climes. But town supervisor Paul Feiner has a plan to prevent this mass depopulation. By lowering their taxes you say? Heaven’s no! That would be far too sensible for a self-aggrandizing bureaucrat. Feiner’s plan is to put those wrinkly bodies into part-time government jobs, paid for by (what else) taxpayer money. Don’t worry though, Feiner only intends to pay the pappies sub-minimum wages for their efforts—about $7/hr.

“Feiner is suggesting creating about 25 slots for seniors and letting them work off $500 or so a year.”

I don’t know how much of a help $500 will be for people like Audrey Davison, whom, as the AP article notes, owes about $12k in taxes every year.

Really, it’s bad enough that seniors have to suffer through the indignity of aging, shelling out $50 a month for oops-I-crapped-my-pants, and struggling to remember their own names, (which makes me curious about how effective they’ll be as employees), but now they have to “work off” their burden to the town coffers? Sounds like indentured servitude to me. Although it does solve the problem of finding cheap labor in the wake of certain immigration laws.

A better plan might be to cut some line items from the town’s budget. Below are suggestions of programs and appointments the supervisor can scrap to both save money and benefit everyone in the town:

  • Senior transportation: $30,000 (really? where do they need to be?)
  • The Narcotics Guidance Council: $53,674 (drugs are a fun way for seniors to pass the time)
  • The Recreation Administration: $1,774,147 (see above)
  • Community pool over: $700,000 (nobody needs to see old man boob)
  • The Nature Center: $357,900 (let them run free in the wild)
  • Supervisor Feiner’s Salary: $123,000 (they’ll manage without ‘ya Paulie)

From Phoenix, Arizona All the Way to Tampico…

Well done, Arizona. With your new employer-sanctions law, which threatens to suspend–or revoke–the business licenses of employers who knowing hire illegal immigrants, you’ve made Mexico a pleasanter alternative to America. Right on.

From CNN:

State Rep. Russell Pearce of Mesa, the author of the employer sanctions law, said his intent was to drive illegal immigrants out of Arizona.

“I’m hoping they will self-deport,” Pearce said. “They broke the law. They’re criminals.”

[…]

When immigrants don’t have jobs, they don’t stick around, said Dawn McLaren, a research economist at Arizona State University who specializes in illegal immigration. She said the flagging economy, particularly in the construction industry, also is contributing to an immigrant exodus.

“As the jobs dwindle and the environment becomes more unpleasant in more ways than one, you then decide what to do, and perhaps leaving looks like a good idea,” she said. “And certainly that creates a problem, because as people leave, they take the jobs they created with them.”

One such immigrant in the story is Martin Herrera, a masonry worker who lives in Camp Verde, AZ:

“I don’t want to live here because of the new law and the oppressive environment,” he said. “I’ll be better in my country.”

He called the employer-sanctions law “absurd.”

“Everybody here, legally or illegally, we are part of a motor that makes this country run,” Herrera said. “Once we leave, the motor is going to start to slow down.”

Now for the jaw-dropper:

[Rep.] Pearce disagreed that the Arizona economy will suffer after illegal immigrants leave, saying there will be less crime, lower taxes, less congestion, smaller classroom sizes and shorter lines in emergency rooms.

“We have a free market. It’ll adjust,” he said. “Americans will be much better off.”

Yes, of course, a free market! Where the state can revoke your business license, where labor supply and labor demand never meet, and where, come spring, some rich folk are gonna be mighty peeved at the cost of landscaping. Frrrreeedom!

Um, I’d sort of rather have Martin Herrara as my state representative. He seems to have a much better grasp of the fundamentals of economics; but I find that people who actually work for a living often do.

Hat tip (or thumbed nose, I guess) to RedState, where my favorite comment so far is this one:

The millions of Americans who fought the McCain-Kennedy amnesty were right as well.

We were called racist’s, nativist’s etc. but we didn’t care we fought hard and stopped the Congress and the President.

The beauty of that win was that the state’s could than do what was right and not be usurped by the government.

Freedom of Religion not Freedom from Religion

[sic] all over. Racist’s what? Nativist’s what? State’s what? Racist’s handbags? Nativist’s Trapper Keepers? State’s ice cream cones?

I’m dying to know what all the unidentified possessed nouns in that sentence are.

Conservative+Gay+Drugs= Liberty Lover?

Dinesh D’Souza, writing about a recent Reason Magazine holiday party attended by Christopher Hitchens, writes on his blog:

Recently Hitchens appeared at a “secular Christmas party” thrown by the libertarian magazine Reason. Many libertarians are basically conservatives who are either gay or druggies or people who generally find the conservative moral agenda too restrictive. So they flee from the conservative to the libertarian camp where much wider parameters of personal behavior are embraced. To the sensible idea of political and economic freedom many libertarians add the more controversial principle of moral freedom, the freedom to live however you want as long as you don’t harm others. Hitchens, needless to say, is at home in this group.

Of course some libertarians are “gay homosexualists,” and others may enjoy the occasional needle between the toes. So what of it? What’s so wrong with respecting the rights of people to engage in “anything that’s peaceful,” which includes (with regard to drug use) the ability to make self-destructive choices? I see no reason to make a distinction between what D’Souza characterizes as economic freedom (which he’ll graciously allow you) and moral freedom (which he won’t). Leave people alone to pursue their lives and goals in whatever peaceful way that they see fit. Don’t presume to know how I should live my life or advocate the use of government force to promote your morality.

Via Hit & Run

Breaking News

This just in: the cause of the fire at the OEOB this week has been identified. A document shredder in Dick Cheney’s office overheated, causing an electrical fire that ignited some kindling, gas canisters, and festive dried pine needles that had been laid out earlier that very morning to decorate the room where they keep the Double Secret White House Executive Privilege servers.

A freedomandshit[dot]org reminder to our readers: Christmas decorations can be highly flammable.  If you’ve got documents that may soon be subpoenaed, decorate the hell out of them.

Take as Prescribed

Now I don’t quite buy the whole “sex-will-save us-all” shtick, but slappin’ skins does go a long way toward a healthy body and healthy mind (warning: syphilis may diminish net benefits). In fact, abstinence, aside from being generally uncool, may have surprising negative consequences. Those who boff like bunnies may actually live longer, more fulfilling lives than their puritanical brethren. A few choice excerpts from a Forbes article:

The best that modern science can say for sexual abstinence is that it’s harmless when practiced in moderation.

In one of the most credible studies … tracked the mortality of about 1,000 middle-aged men over the course of a decade. … Its findings, published in 1997 in the British Medical Journal, were that men who reported the highest frequency of orgasm enjoyed a death rate half that of the laggards. … In a 2001 follow-on … by having sex three or more times a week, men reduced their risk of heart attack or stroke by half.

Sex, if nothing else, is exercise. A vigorous bout burns some 200 calories–about the same as running 15 minutes on a treadmill or playing a spirited game of squash. … Sex also boosts production of testosterone, which leads to stronger bones and muscles. …

A 2002 study of 293 women … reported that sexually active participants whose male partners did not use condoms were less subject to depression than those whose partners did. One theory of causality: Prostoglandin, a hormone found only in semen, may be absorbed in the female genital tract. …

Immediately before orgasm, levels of the hormone oxytocin surge to five times their normal level. This in turn releases endorphins, which alleviate the pain of everything from headache to arthritis to even migraine. In women, sex also prompts production of estrogen, which can reduce the pain of PMS. … individuals who have sex once or twice a week show 30% higher levels of an antibody called immunoglobulin A, which is known to boost the immune system. …

Better teeth: Seminal plasma contains zinc, calcium and other minerals shown to retard tooth decay. Since this is a family Web site, we will omit discussion of the mineral delivery system. …

A study recently published by the British Journal of Urology International asserts that men in their 20s can reduce by a third their chance of getting prostate cancer by ejaculating more than five times a week. … Erectile dysfunction … may be telling you that you have diseased blood vessels elsewhere in your body. … “Men who exercise and have a good heart and low heart rate, and who are cardio-fit, have firmer erections. There very definitely is a relationship.”

Regular sessions can not only firm a woman’s tummy and buttocks but also improve her posture … [though] sometimes you can have a lubrication problem.

Women who abstain from sex run some risks. In postmenopausal women, these include vaginal atrophy…

All this time I thought I was a lecherous bastard but, as it turns out, I’m an aspiring fitness guru.

Via Overcoming Bias