We’re Going to Need a Young Priest and an Old Priest
I must confess, I have at times contemplated a vocation in the Catholic Church. The incense, the fancy outfits and the easy access to confused adolescent boys have all been tempting inducements. Now, however, with the most recent pronouncement from His Holiness Benedict XVI, I think my time has come.
It seems the Pope is hot under the big hat to establish a new cadre of exorcism squads to, you know, cast out the evil spirits that are infecting more and more young people these days. Satanism is more powerful than ever, what with the popularity of shows like I Love New York and A Shot at Love with Tila Tequila. Could there be any clearer a sign?
Now that I know how desperately the Pope needs my help, it’s time for me to start a new career as Exorcist Plenipotentiary of the Holy Mother Church. And while my ordination make take a little while, I offer the following guarantees. Wherever a group of teenagers are playing Dungeons & Dragons, I will be there. A party where Black Sabbath is on the stereo? I will be there. And any place where reckless pleasure seeking is taking precedence over the committment to holiness, I will be there. You’re all on notice, sinners.
Filed under: Jesus is Magic
Dec 31st, 2007 at 4:22 pm
Cyril, you may want to reconsider a career in the church. It isn’t like the good old days when you could tend to your flock, write sermons, and molest prepubescent boys in peace. It’s hard out here for a Priest:
“Police Reportedly Foil Plot to Kill Priest”
http://uk.reuters.com/article/worldNews/idUKL3135314120071231
Jan 1st, 2008 at 5:41 pm
Thanks for the warning. Fortunately, these episodes seem confined to the Mediterranean, where the blood runs hot and passions are close to the surface. Just another reason, actually, why the world needs more exorcists.
Jan 2nd, 2008 at 9:05 am
And more Mediterraneans!