Hot for Teacher

In America, teachers get fired for sleeping with their students. In Britain, a teacher may lose her job because she appeared in a “raunchy” commercial. (raunchy? Oh, those Brits are so quaint.)

STOCKPORT A teacher has been suspended from her post at an independent school after pupils identified her on the internet as a model shown simulating sex in a “raunchy” advertisement for workwear. Sarah Green, an English teacher, has been asked to stay away from Stockport Grammar School, in Greater Manchester, while staff investigate concerns raised by parents. She is alleged to be one of three women shown fully clothed but simulating sex with workmen in a promotion to sell Scruffs workwear. The clip, shot before she joined the school, is on YouTube : Younger readers should consult with a parent or guardian before watching it.

I don’t give a damn how old you are. Watch the video:

Straight from the Loony Bin…Tom Cruise

The 1st Amendment rights to free expression of religion and free speech are fundamental to the American concept of freedom and shit. This little ditty from box office legend Tom Cruise is a brilliant example of the “shit” that can come out of one’s mouth when speaking about one’s crazy-ass Amway-style religion.

I call it “Human Train Wreck.”

Movies Which Are About the Freedom: Cloverfield

Everything in the movie Cloverfield is shot on a tiny digital camera, like a futuristic America’s Funniest Home Videos, though regrettably without the presence of Bob Saget, whose “fuck”-and-”cunt”-ridden comedy routines are a sturdy 90-story testament to the beauty and force of The Free Speech (plus are hilarious).Thus, the first thing that it teaches us is the awesome power of consumer electronics to make our lives more fulfilling. Contrary to those pernicious wrongdoers who call themselves “community activists” and “historic preservation societies,” all humanity is made more excellent and fulfilled by the presence of a Best Buy.*

As happiness economic research from the likes of Will Wilkinson and other libertarian geniuses tell us, sometimes positional goods can make us even better individuals than we already are by unlocking our inner selves and giving them the blessing of row upon row of individual choice.  And at a marked down rate too, if you wait long enough.

The movie begins by showing us that its heart is in the right place.  The hero, when we first see him, has sex with his fantastically beautiful girlfriend in an apartment overlooking Central Park in New York.  Then the story moves to a party where everyone is drinking in celebration of him getting a huge raise and a promotion. 

It is from this that we know that economic success and fucking are at the core of this film.  I believe this is what is meant when people refer to a “family values” movie. Certainly no one could deny that these are both integral to the promotion and experience of The Freedom.

As Ayn Rand herself explained, men can be like animals, both in the bedroom and in the boardroom (a phrase she actually invented). Unfortunately, none of the characters smoke or take heroin. This is a mistake that I am confident will be rectified in future editions, thanks to modern advances in CGI.

Speaking of Ayn Rand, it is upon her whom we rely to understand the rest of the film. Rand gave us instructions to love big cities, for collections of giant steel buildings in close proximity surrounded by trash and poor homeless wretches are not only beautiful, but great, inspiring, and powerful symbols of The Freedom.

Thanks to this knowledge, we can see that the entire city of New York is a metaphor for human greatness.  In other words, The Freedom made physical, ie: economic success and fucking.

So when a monster, called Cloverfield, starts to destroy the city, it makes the viewer weep with sadness. The monster makes trouble and rubble, like Stalin but with green skin and a tail, and the entire time it is destroying, the tragedy is almost overwhelming.  In fact, one can only recoil in fear and terror of what will happen to the stock market.

Indeed, it is surprising and terrifying as any film ever. One can hardly believe it, but it must be true: Plainly, this monster has not heard of Frédéric Bastiat’s famous broken windows fallacy. Tearing down the city will not increase economic output.  This has also been called the “make-work” fallacy. Monsters, it seems, like so many politicians, would not even pass economics 101.

Clearly the film is a parable about the dangers of economic illiteracy, and the grave fiscal threat posed by letting a destructive socialistic force run amuck in the heart of the capitol of capitalism and The Freedom, N-Y-C.  If a Socialism-loving monster were to attack Wall Street, all lovers of liberty would be threatened.  That cannot happen.  We must all be vigilant.

*This is later reinforced when the hero must loot a small electronics store to find a cell phone battery. A Best Buy would have handled the purchase promptly and efficiently, and probably cheaper too, as well as created more jobs.

From My Cold, Dead…um…Hands

As a freedom-loving Virginian, I must announce yet another threat to personal liberty in a state which was once was the cradle of patriots. It seems some pinko comsymp Spend-o-crat in Richmond has introduced a bill to ban plastic replica testicles from the trailer hitches of the Old Dominion’s red-blooded pickup trucks.

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Notice the startlingly life-like veins molded into the plastic

What, friends, has America come to if the drooling, toothless rednecks of the Confederate South are unable to display molded plastic balls from the back of their truck beds? What alternate methods of expression are we to expect them to embrace? It’s not as if your average pickup driver is going to be able to turn to the gentle consolation of metered poetry to express the feelings soon to be denied him by a ban on fake rubbery nads. I mean, come on, Virginia legislators. Let the baby have his bottle.

 

The Angelina Jolie School of Conservation

Sure, we all love the fuzzy bunnies and grotesque acquatic mammals of the world, but how best to protect them in the wild? We could go down the EPA/UN path, and merely try to pass a lot of laws telling people not to do anything that might endanger those critters, but we all know that’s a little impractical. Here’s the real solution: adoption!

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Merlin the manatee: Ooh, ooh, he’s magic 

The fine folks at Adopt-A-Manatee are hoping you will do just that. For a mere $25, you can have your very own giant underwater tub of love, complete with photo and adoption certificate - and the best part is, you don’t have to feed it. It’s like “adopting” one of the Third World children that Sally Struthers is always talking about, except without all the icky flies and stuff.   

*Trivia bonus: fans of Spike TV’s excellent show Manswers will remember that the manatee is a close relative of the dugong, a similar sea cow-ish mammal found in the Eastern hemisphere. And we all know what that means.

Why Do You Think Your Kids Have Mercury Poisoning?

Um. Because we gave them a jar of fucking mercury.

Via Fark.

Show Your Support for F&S!!!

Radley’s Monday Morning Poll: What’s your favorite libertarian-ish blog? So, go show your support for Freedom and Shit — here!!!

Daily Dose of Cuteness

Because I missed yesterday’s dosing, and the picture of the beijing olympic mascots is freaking me out, I’m giving you an extra-strong Saturday video cuteness. A double-dose that oughta carry you through the weekend and leave you a little dizzy on Monday morning. Enjoy.it doesn't matter if you've seen it already. it's still cute.

No really, It’s Always Like This in China.

They’re crying on the inside.

The murder of Wei Wenhua by the extended arm of China’s dictatorial regime ought to do at least two things here in the US. First, it should renew (or amplify) calls to boycott the 2008 Beijing Olympics. Second, it should remind us about the complete irrationality and unprincipled thinking (like we could forget) of our President, who recently accepted an invitation from Hu Jintao, China’s “president” to attend the Olympics.

“Aides said the president [Bush] would attend as a sports fan, and not to make any political statement.”

I call bullshit on that. The Olympic events are the embodiment individual human achievement –and the ability of men to accomplish almost superhuman feats when they put their minds to it. Bullshit Bush can watch that in a country with no concept of the individual human. Bullshit that he (and anyone else lending their support to that regime) isn’t making a political statement. He is sanctioning the behavior of China and giving them future ammunition which they will use to continue oppressing human life.

Comparisons to the 1936 games abound and I wonder, if Hitler had invited Bush to the Berlin Olympics would he have attended as a sports fan? It sure worked out well for F.D.R.

Wei’s murder should remind us that whatever China appears to be at its core is a culture of corruption, oppression, and death. And that fact doesn’t stop being true on the day of the Olympic games.

I’m from the Government, and I’m Here to Beat You to Death

By now you all have probably heard the latest news out of Red China. No, not their allegedly eco-friendly ban on plastic shopping bags, but the fact that local government officials beat a man to death for trying to report on a conflict with local villagers.

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R.I.P., Wei Wenhua (1966-2008)

The short story is this: a group of officials who the AP refers to as “municipal inspectors” were supervising the dumping of truckloads of trash. The people who live near where the trash was to be dumped were objecting, and Mr. Wei took out his video phone to capture the ruckus for posterity. Seeing this, the officials advanced on Wei and beat him to death in plain sight.

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It seems to me the real story here is not that Chinese government officials are arrogant thugs who are willing to kill innocent people - we knew that already. The real wonder is that we’re finding out about it at all. Unlike the Tiananmen Square massacre, which was impossible to hide and covered live by virtually every TV network on the planet, individual acts of violence like this would have almost certainly gone unreported in the past. Before Ted Stevens gave us the intertubes, no one outside the village where it happened would ever have known. Now the Chinese have chatrooms that even the Commissars in Peking can’t control. And that’s a pretty damn good thing.