Apparently I rushed to judgment when I called for everyone to get sporks last week. Someone in Alaska heeded my call and proceeded to lose his damned mind:

ANCHORAGE, Alaska - Anchorage police have arrested a suspect in an armed robbery. Now they’re trying to determine if the weapon involved was a spork — a hybrid of a spoon and fork found at fast-food restaurants.

Police said a suspect tried to grab a man’s watch on Monday night.

The victim said the assailant swung a pocketknife at him but four parallel scratches on the victim’s side make police suspect the wound was administered with a spork.

Peter Albert, 52, was arrested a few blocks from the scene and charged with robbery. Police said Albert was intoxicated and carrying a small pocketknife as well as a backpack containing a fast food bag and sporks.

Albert is being held at the Anchorage jail with bail set at $5,000.

Filed under: Consumerism Rulez