From the people who authored color-coded threat levels (we’ve been at “yellow” so long I’m beginning to wonder whether the nation is jaundiced) and the notion that when the shit really hits the fan, the most important thing to have is duct tape–comes the brilliant idea that all airline passengers should wear the equivalent of an electronic dog collar:

A senior government official with the U.S. Department of Homeland Security (DHS) has expressed great interest in a so-called safety bracelet that would serve as a stun device, similar to that of a police Taser®. According to this promotional video found at the Lamperd Less Lethal website, the bracelet would be worn by all airline passengers.

This bracelet would:

• take the place of an airline boarding pass

• contain personal information about the traveler

• be able to monitor the whereabouts of each passenger and his/her luggage

• shock the wearer on command, completely immobilizing him/her for several minutes

The Electronic ID Bracelet, as it’s referred to as, would be worn by every traveler “until they disembark the flight at their destination.” Yes, you read that correctly. Every airline passenger would be tracked by a government-funded GPS, containing personal, private and confidential information, and that it would shock the customer worse than an electronic dog collar if he/she got out of line?

Clearly the Electronic ID Bracelet is an euphemism for the EMD Safety Bracelet, or at least it has a nefarious hidden ability, thus the term ID Bracelet is ambiguous at best. EMD stands for Electro-Muscular Disruption. Again, according to the promotional video the bracelet can completely immobilize the wearer for several minutes.

Hell, if it works so well in-flight, let’s just use this as a substitute for REAL ID!

Needless to say, while I am always courteous to service workers, I have some reservations about giving Gladys–the 25 year veteran flight attendant with a short temper, hot flashes, and a nicotine craving–the power to shock me into submission whenever she damn well pleases.

No thanks, Gladys, but feel free to tell DHS where they can put their arm wristband.

Filed under: Profiles in Governance, The Homeland