Get-Offs Will Be Prosecuted

Man meets hooker. Man pays hooker with gas card. Both go to jail.:

JULY 2–A Kentucky woman is facing prostitution charges for allegedly trading sex for gasoline. Angela Eversole, 34, was nabbed last weekend during a police stakeout at a Days Inn, where she allegedly trysted with customer Kenneth Nowak. According to investigators, Nowak admitted paying for Eversole’s services, in part, with a $100 gas card.

Oh, it gets better:

Eversole was hit with a prostitution rap and also charged with doing business without an occupational license.

Translation: “Operating pussy without a license.”

“An enema is almost a symbol of our region.”

No, really. They said that:

A monument to the enema, a procedure many people would rather not think about, has been unveiled at a spa in the southern Russian city of Zheleznovodsk.

The bronze syringe bulb, which weighs 800 pounds (363 kilograms) and is held by three angels, was unveiled at the Mashuk-Akva Term spa, the spa’s director said Thursday.

“There is no kitsch or obscenity, it is a successful work of art,” Alexander Kharchenko told The Associated Press. “An enema is almost a symbol of our region.”

The Caucasus Mountains region is known for dozens of spas where enemas with water from mineral springs are routinely administered to treat digestive and other complaints.

Well, if the region makes its living from shooting mineral water up the asses of the well-to-do, they might as well celebrate it, right? It sure beats a giant bronze sphincter, no?

(I just hope D.C. doesn’t follow suit and erect a giant douche bag.)

Vive la Virginité!

Okay, even the French do something cool every now and again.

PARIS — The operation in the private clinic off the Champs-Élysées involved one semicircular cut, 10 dissolving stitches and a discounted fee of $2,900.

But for the patient, a 23-year-old French student of Moroccan descent from Montpellier, the 30-minute procedure represented the key to a new life: the illusion of virginity.

Like an increasing number of Muslim women in Europe, she had a hymenoplasty, a restoration of her hymen, the thin vaginal membrane that normally breaks during the first act of intercourse.

Now, if we can just get her to forget all those cool tricks she learned…

Gene-ious

While it would probably be inaccurate to say that Gene Healy is a friend of F&S–basically because I highly doubt he reads our site–I can say that many of us greatly admire him. So, it is with great pride that I read this little ditty by George Will singing his new book’s praises:

But then, rhetorical—and related—excesses are inherent in the modern presidency. This is so for reasons brilliantly explored in the year’s most pertinent and sobering public affairs book, “The Cult of the Presidency: America’s Dangerous Devotion to Executive Power,” by Gene Healy of Washington’s libertarian Cato Institute. (emphasis added)

Anyone familiar with George Will knows he isn’t a writer known for overstatement, (save, perhaps, his columns relating to his love of baseball), so such praise is remarkable…and well-deserved.

Radley liked it a lot too.

And if I may throw in my two cents: Gene’s gift for language allows him to go through the history of the presidency without the bloated wonk-speak that often hamper books that come from the think-tanks. It is a very accessible read, well-researched, and has a good amount of the author’s wit and humor to keep it interesting. I highly recommend it.

So, what are you waiting for? BUY IT.

And the Gold Medal for Irony Goes to…

CHINA!

Police in southern China have discovered a factory manufacturing Free Tibet flags, media reports say.

The factory in Guangdong had been completing overseas orders for the flag of the Tibetan government-in-exile.

Workers said they thought they were just making colourful flags and did not realise their meaning.

That’s right, hippies. You’ve been supporting the Chinese government by buying your ‘Free Tibet’ flags from companies that pay Chinese taxes.  Thus, in your own special and smelly way, financing the oppression of the people you want to protect. Smooth.

Don’t get me wrong, I’m all for Tibetan freedom (and shit), but this is just funny.

Via Fark.

And FDR Said, “Let There Be Beer…”

I imagine this will be the only time on this blog — and certainly by this author — that a positive word will be said of FDR and his policies. But, as I sit at my office (and might I add I’m pretty sure I’m still drunk from last night) I must give credit where it’s due: the left’s favorite poster-child (in the Jerry’s Kids sense) pushed for the end of prohibition.

After 13 dry years, legal beer had returned to the United States. It may seem silly to commemorate that day’s 75th anniversary. After all, it’s only beer, and we’ve got bigger things to think about. War. Global warming. Soaring gas prices. Crashing home prices.

Silly? For shame. There is nothing wrong with celebrating beer for beer’s sake.

So, if you’re one of those people who need a reason to drink — if you’re not into that whole NCAA thing — go out and celebrate the 75th anniversary of legal beer tonight.

You can even raise a glass to FDR — just this once.

A Call for Spork Control

Apparently I rushed to judgment when I called for everyone to get sporks last week. Someone in Alaska heeded my call and proceeded to lose his damned mind:

ANCHORAGE, Alaska - Anchorage police have arrested a suspect in an armed robbery. Now they’re trying to determine if the weapon involved was a spork — a hybrid of a spoon and fork found at fast-food restaurants.

Police said a suspect tried to grab a man’s watch on Monday night.

The victim said the assailant swung a pocketknife at him but four parallel scratches on the victim’s side make police suspect the wound was administered with a spork.

Peter Albert, 52, was arrested a few blocks from the scene and charged with robbery. Police said Albert was intoxicated and carrying a small pocketknife as well as a backpack containing a fast food bag and sporks.

Albert is being held at the Anchorage jail with bail set at $5,000.

Well, Frick You Too!

Ah, the language police have struck again:

ALTOONA, Pa. - A convenience store chain’s billboard advertising its fried chicken sandwich is ruffling the feathers of some residents.

Sheetz Inc. unveiled the “Crispy Frickin’ Chicken” billboards at the beginning of February.

“There was a lady who left an angry voice mail,” code enforcement officer Fran Calarco said. “And a man called and said he had small children and didn’t think they should be exposed to that type of language. I told him I completely understood and agreed.”

What the frick, dude?

Via Fark.

Dr. Death Comes to Winnipeg

Whatever one thought of the Teri Schiavo debacle, there were two facets of that case that American patients should take comfort in:

  1. That there was a real and legitimate debate about what Mrs. Schiavo’s real wishes would have been, with different sets of loved ones presenting the courts with differing evidence that supported differing conclusions and
  2. that, if it could be determined definitively what those intentions were, it would have made a difference.

Our neighbors to the north are currently engaged in a controversy of their own that papers are calling “the Canadian Schiavo case,” but there are some stark differences that illustrate some of the unforseen dangers of the single-payer health care system. There, despite the fact that the family of Salvation Army Grace General Hospital patient Samuel Golubchuk are united in wanting to keep their father alive, and despite the fact that his being a strictly observant Orthodox Jew would seem to leave little question as to what his thoughts on the matter would be:

Golubchuk’s doctors informed his children that their 84-year-old father is “in the process of dying” and that they intended to hasten the process by removing his ventilation, and if that proved insufficient to kill him quickly, to also remove his feeding tube. In the event that the patient showed discomfort during these procedures, the chief of the hospital’s ICU unit stated in his affidavit that he would administer morphine.

The difference, of course, is that in Canada, the state is both payor and provider of all health care, and even if Golubchuk’s family had the means to pay for their father’s continued hospitalization, it would be illegal for them to do so. When opponents of socialized medicine complain of “rationing,” this is specifically what they mean — he who pays the piper calls the tune, and once all health care costs become public, so too, do all health care decisions:

the director of the ICU informed Golubchuk’s children that neither their father’s wishes nor their own are relevant, and he would do whatever he decided was appropriate. Bill Olson, counsel for the ICU director, told the Canadian Broadcasting Company that physicians have the sole right to make decisions about treatment — even if it goes against a patient’s religious beliefs — and that “there is no right to a continuation of treatment.”

Bottled Water, Ultra Light Menthol

It used to be that fashionable folks wouldn’t be caught drinking anything but clean, pure bottled water. Tap water was strictly for livestock and the lower middle class. Evian was the only way to go.

Wake up to today. Bottled water is the new environmental crime. Now only Neanderthals dare to chug from the Fiji bottle, and for the most obvious reason: carbon footprint. Let the Telegraph explain further

…new research shows that drinking a bottle of water has the same impact on the environment as driving a car for a kilometre. Conservation groups and water providers have started a campaign against the £2 billion industry.

A BBC Panorama documentary, “Bottled Water: Who Needs It?”, to be broadcast tomorrow says that in terms of production, a litre bottle of Evian or Volvic generates up to 600 times more CO2 than a litre of tap water.

In what is surely meant to be a conversation-ending trump card, various UK-based idiots are trying to tell us that drinking bottled water ”borders on being morally unacceptable” and should be considered as socially unacceptable as smoking. You know what? I say we split the difference. The anti-smoking crowd will, since they’re so morally superior, be allowed the occasional sin of drinking their bottled water, while we smokers agree to give up all forms of packaged dihydrogen monoxide.  Cool?