From the people who authored color-coded threat levels (we’ve been at “yellow” so long I’m beginning to wonder whether the nation is jaundiced) and the notion that when the shit really hits the fan, the most important thing to have is duct tape–comes the brilliant idea that all airline passengers should wear the equivalent of an electronic dog collar:

A senior government official with the U.S. Department of Homeland Security (DHS) has expressed great interest in a so-called safety bracelet that would serve as a stun device, similar to that of a police Taser®. According to this promotional video found at the Lamperd Less Lethal website, the bracelet would be worn by all airline passengers.

This bracelet would:

• take the place of an airline boarding pass

• contain personal information about the traveler

• be able to monitor the whereabouts of each passenger and his/her luggage

• shock the wearer on command, completely immobilizing him/her for several minutes

The Electronic ID Bracelet, as it’s referred to as, would be worn by every traveler “until they disembark the flight at their destination.” Yes, you read that correctly. Every airline passenger would be tracked by a government-funded GPS, containing personal, private and confidential information, and that it would shock the customer worse than an electronic dog collar if he/she got out of line?

Clearly the Electronic ID Bracelet is an euphemism for the EMD Safety Bracelet, or at least it has a nefarious hidden ability, thus the term ID Bracelet is ambiguous at best. EMD stands for Electro-Muscular Disruption. Again, according to the promotional video the bracelet can completely immobilize the wearer for several minutes.

Hell, if it works so well in-flight, let’s just use this as a substitute for REAL ID!

Needless to say, while I am always courteous to service workers, I have some reservations about giving Gladys–the 25 year veteran flight attendant with a short temper, hot flashes, and a nicotine craving–the power to shock me into submission whenever she damn well pleases.

No thanks, Gladys, but feel free to tell DHS where they can put their arm wristband.

1 Comment »
Filed under: Profiles in Governance, The Homeland

Another example of the government overreacting to a non-problem:

Authorities raided the offices of an Annapolis painting company this morning and detained 45 suspected illegal immigrants, who officials say were hired and housed by the company.

The raids, executed simultaneously at the offices of Annapolis Painting Services and 15 private homes owned by the company, were conducted by a force of 125 officials, including 75 federal immigration agents and 50 Anne Arundel County police officers.

The immigrants detained are being held by U.S. Immigration and Customs Enforcement officials at an unspecified location while their status is reviewed, said County Police Chief James Teare Sr. The owner of the painting company, Robert Bontempo Jr., could face federal felony charges, Teare said.

Wow. Giving hard-working people jobs and a place to live is now a felony in this country.

The painting company is a well-known and long-running business in Annapolis that had more than 100 employees, county police said. The homes raided this morning housed large groups of mostly men living in private, single-family houses owned by the company, police said.

At a news conference this morning across the street from the painting company’s offices, County Executive John R. Leopold (R) touted the raid as the most significant operation against illegal immigration during his administration.

“It’s unfair to those companies operating legally to be undercut by those who hire illegal immigrants,” said Leopold. “This sends a clear message that it’s not going to be tolerated in Anne Arundel County.”

Yes, because consumers who get their houses painted (presumably) more cheaply by immigrants is somehow unfair. Indeed, they should pay more because…because…well BECAUSE!!

But while we’re on the topic of unfair:

“[Leopold] has also cut county grants to nonprofit agencies that offered social services to Spanish-speaking county residents, both legal and illegal.”

Granted, I’m not for government subsidizing anything, but it doesn’t reek of anything but bigotry to cut funding to organizations because they utilize a foreign language in their services. God forbid that we would actually have bilingual people in this country that can deal with people from other cultures.

While I would grant you that being “undersold” by those circumventing the law is somewhat unfair, closing the market off to cheaper labor is less fair to more people (read home-owning consumers). Arbitrary and capricious standards for immigration are to blame–not the 45 people who were just incarcerated for working hard and contributing to the economy.

4 Comments »
Filed under: Behind Every Law..., The Homeland

Oh yeah…

One pro-marijuana group is calling on the government to allow marijuana in smoking lounges at airports across the country.

Yes, they are asking the federal government–OUR federal government–to allow pot smoking in airports. Uh huh.

The group says in a press release that the idea will address the growing number of in-flight problems involving drunk and disorderly passengers. Members claim marijuana is a better alternative to alcohol to help more fliers relax and deal with the anxiety of air travel.

Yes, in spite of the US government’s unconstitutional raids on legal, state-sanctioned medical marijuana dispensaries in California and other places, these dimwitted cheeba monkeys are asking the federal government to suddenly allow drug trafficking via Southwest Airlines.

Look, it isn’t that I don’t agree with them in principle, but this stunt doesn’t pass the laugh test. (Although I’m sure that in the clouded haze of their office, they thought it was the most brilliant idea ever duuude…well, until someone thought about ordering pizza.)

Stick to the basics, Beavis: lobby for local and/or state legislation–when the feds come in, challenge them in court. Or just do like everybody else does…smoke on the way to the airport.

Comments Off
Filed under: Behind Every Law..., The Homeland, Daily Rant

Bureaucracy and incompetence at its finest:

False identifications based on a terrorist no-fly list have for years prevented some federal air marshals from boarding flights they are assigned to protect, according to officials with the agency, which is finally taking steps to address the problem.

Federal Air Marshals (FAMs) familiar with the situation say the mix-ups, in which marshals are mistaken for terrorism suspects who share the same names, have gone on for years — just as they have for thousands of members of the traveling public.

One air marshal said it has been “a major problem, where guys are denied boarding by the airline.”

“In some cases, planes have departed without any coverage because the airline employees were adamant they would not fly,” said the air marshal, who asked not to be named because the job requires anonymity. “I’ve seen guys actually being denied boarding.”

A second air marshal said one agent “has been getting harassed for six years because his exact name is on the no-fly list.” (emphasis added)

Sure, the Federal Air Marshal Service is finally looking to correct this problem for their officers, but doesn’t this signal that there is something fundamentally asinine about using a simple list of names in a country with 300 million people in it?

hat tip: Radley’s dad.

Comments Off
Filed under: Profiles in Governance, The Homeland

There is an interesting op-ed in the LA Times today, detailing the life of a private citizen who wiretapped for the government, then the mob (because it paid better), and then found Jebus.

Through [mafioso Mickey] Cohen, my father met other leaders of organized crime from across the country. One day, he was approached by a man known as “St. Louis Andy.” Andy wanted my father to design an electronic system for holding back horse racing results coming over the Continental Wire Service. My father accepted the job and put together a system of Teletype equipment and other electronic components so they could withhold race results for about 90 seconds, during which time they would flash the winners to co-workers, who would place illegal off-track bets in other parts of the country. For example, Andy and my father tried out the system in Arizona and withheld all the race results coming into Southern California. They cleaned up.

Dad was supposed to go to St. Louis on Nov. 10, 1949, to set up a system to control illegal off-track betting in the Western half of the United States. However, my father never made that meeting, because on Nov. 6, he happened to attend a revival tent meeting at the corner of Washington Boulevard and Hill Street in downtown Los Angeles, where a young preacher named Billy Graham was speaking.

That night, Graham preached on the passage in the Gospels in which Jesus queried, “What shall it profit a man if he shall gain the whole world but lose his own soul?” My father felt as if God were speaking directly to him. He committed his life to Jesus Christ that night and immediately set about repaying everyone he had ever cheated or from whom he had stolen. On Nov. 8, the Los Angeles Times ran the headline: “Wiretapper Vaus Hits Sawdust Trail.”

That’s nice. Find Jebus = stop spying on people.

But what the hell do you do when the guy spying on you already found Jebus?

Comments Off
Filed under: Jesus is Magic, Profiles in Governance, The Homeland

As noted in Suetonius’s last post, government lackeys will be going door-to-door asking residents to voluntarily turn over their first born sons…or I mean asking permission to search homes for contraband. The terror that such action strikes in the hearts of liberty lubbers should reverberate well beyond the borders of the district. But any action needs to emanate from D.C.

My suggestion: Let’s help them.

Make their job a little easier by letting them know ahead of time that you do NOT give them permission to search your home. I suggest putting a red sash on your door, signifying that the cops can Passover your residence.

Comments Off
Filed under: Politics is Personal, Jesus is Magic, The Homeland

We mock the G-town set because it’s the easy thing to do. But they have a big heart, too. (Granted, it’s just the one heart, they have to share it collectively among them, and it was ripped from the still-beating chest of a Haitian immigrant mother with AIDS, but hey, it’s a start.)

For instance, did you know that some poor black children don’t even get the chance to play polo? Well, it’s true. There is a notable surfeit of ponies in the ‘hood. Thankfully, the good folks at the First Chukker Foundation are about to change all that.

Devoted to, as they put it: “positive social and environmental change as well as the increasing awareness of Polo in the Greater Washington Metropolitan Region,” the upChukkers are all about bringing the ultimate symbol of overentitled prep school dipwadosity within grasp of the common man.

And they were in full force Friday night with a charity benefit at Georgetown’s hyper-exclusive City Tavern Club (how exclusive, you ask? well, Ole G.W. hisself, along with his boys T.J., notorious for his raging case of jungle fever, and Johnny “Sweet Dick” Adams once chilled in this crib, though Jefferson was known to flout the “coat and tie required at all times” dress code by parading around sans pantaloons)

So, yes, for a whole night, several hundred of G-town’s finest rocked ascots in both Crip Blue and Blood Red, while debs shaked they phat asses to the in-house entertainment, “raisin’ the roof” and “droppin’ it like it’s hot,” whilst adorned in the de rigeur uniform of short black minidresses and vinyl boots from the Heidi Fleiss collection.

All for the cause of introducing poor kids to a sport they’ll almost certainly never be able to afford, and for which there exist no college scholarships of note.

Now, don’t get us wrong. We like charity. Charity, it need not be said, is a good thing. But witnessing the self-parody of this particularly retarded charity leads one to conclude these people are either completely, almost inconceivably clueless, or they possess a level of condescending cruelty that would make Blofeld himself blush.

Or, given that it’s Georgetown…perhaps a little from Column A, a little from Column B.

7 Comments »
Filed under: Politics is Personal, Pop! Goes the Culture, The Homeland

Citizens of Milwaukee have decided to erect a bronze statue in honor of Milwaukee’s coolest, perhaps most famous, and certainly fictional citizen: Arthur Fonzarelli. Private groups banded together and raised private money — to a tune of $85,000 — to boost tourism and, well, be cool.

The Fonz is just too cool to be funded by tax money.

A big “Aaaaaaaayyyyyy” to Fark for the link.

Comments Off
Filed under: The Homeland

Are you liberals happy?

Comments Off
Filed under: The Homeland

I’m all for Free Speech and don’t think the people who organized this — or those who sign it — should be put on a terrorism watch list, but let’s be real now:

To: All those currently exercising positions of responsibility in the Government of the United States of America, whether elected or appointed, and whether at the federal, state, or local level

Whereas the United States Government’s claim to legitimacy is purportedly based on such principles as the consent of the governed, human equality, and the inalienable rights to life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness; and

Whereas few if any of those over whom you claim authority have ever consented to such governance; and

Whereas governments, as claimants to such authority over others, are by their nature inconsistent with human equality; and

Whereas your laws, ordinances, decrees, and policies generally stand in violation, directly or indirectly, of the rights to life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness;

We, the undersigned, hereby demand:

That you cease to claim to be acting in our name or as our agents; and

That you cease all attempts to exercise authority over your fellow human beings, on this continent or elsewhere; and

That you work to dismantle the institution or set of institutions known as the Government of the United States of America, in every branch and at every level, as speedily as possible; and

That you make no attempt to interfere with its replacement by voluntary associations of free and equal individuals.

Sincerely,

The Undersigned

Although, it does beg the question why anarchists would even bother to petition an entity they don’t think is legitimate. Such an action is akin to Iran sending Israel a cease and desist order of existence.

No word yet from the Government on whether it has decided to disestablish itself.

1 Comment »
Filed under: Politics is Personal, Freedom Meets Darwin, Profiles in Governance, The Homeland